"Jess, of course it will hurt, you're ripping your hair out. But it should be a bit more painless than having someone else do it. Plus it's way cheaper."
"Are you sure it works?"
"It's what I use..."
Saving money, while attempting to feel somewhat more like a female is right up my alley. Naturally I jumped at the chance to heat up a batch and try it myself. I researched it over and over to see what techniques might work a bit better for me. I even went out to purchase a small amount of denim just in case I needed backup strips.
Night one: Fail. The concoction wasn't heated to the proper temperature.
Night two: Fail. Although the viscosity of the concoction passed the "ball and rip" technique did not.
Night three: Fail. Purchased the denim strips, applied and ripped. Pain passed, hair removal did not.
And now I am stuck with a useless pile of denim strips, a bowl of sticky brown goo, four red welts on my shins, a curious four year old asking why I "like the sticky" and one razor burn from when I eventually gave up, showered and shaved.
To my friend:
Meg, you got me. April fools! ..or whatever sinister plan you had brewing in your gut.
To Whoever came up with the sugar wax prank:
You are indeed cruel, mean-hearted, hate-filled and genius.
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Thursday, January 6, 2011
Project: Learn to knit/crochet/sew (maaybe)..
From this moment forward I will never take the every day clothes I wear for granted.
I've never been one to scoff at someone's hard work and/or craftsmanship but at the same time I also have never taken into consideration the amount of time, concentration and in general how nimble your fingers have to be in order to sew/crochet/knit! You crafty seamstresses are hard core, and my hat's off to you!
Growing up with high levels of undetected attention deficit disorder I never had the time nor the patience to sit and learn an actual project (especially when it came down to school). At the age of nine my grandmother taught me the basic chain stitch for crocheting. I thought I was the absolute "bee's knees". I would crochet the longest single chains ever seen! When she tried to sit me down to show me the next step, I declined. I felt like I was a-okay with making single braided strands into long thin rope. Little did I know that the amount of yarn I was wasting would one day want to be turned into a scarf.
Today I took my four year old to the craft store (which I highly do not recommend if you've been depriving yourself of crafty projects- it's as dangerous as going to the supermarket while hungry). The moment I entered the store it was like the heavens opening a whole new world of possibilities for me.
"I could make this...'so-and-so' has a birthday coming up.. we can create worlds! ..so much cheaper than..." all of these thoughts raced through my head.
I stopped by the yarn section. Flashbacks of being wrapped in long thin strands of crocheted chains with gigantic smiles on my face flooded my memory. My childhood was merry but at the same time could have been a bit more if I had applied myself to finishing real projects.
"How ridiculous did I look?!" I thought to myself. "If I want Emily to ever complete a project, I should start with leading by example. I should expand on my very basic knowledge of crocheting. I'll make a scarf for her."
So, with a very special yarn she had picked out, the correct needle size and one of the items we went in to purchase we headed toward the car. (Due to the ADD we had to run back in to purchase the other item I had forgotten we initially went in for.)
After a very vigorous cleanup of our classroom at home we sat down to start on our craft project. I began my chain. Like riding a bicycle, I remembered and picked it up easily. Then came time to start a new row. I picked up the instructions and at that moment realized I was in for more than what I had bargained for.
"Yarn over hook? The yarn is all over the hook!" anxious thoughts poured through my head "Stitch upward? Loop into what? Why is it starting to look so small? Oh no, wrong size! Cruh-"
"How are you doing mom?" Emily interrupted "Oh mom, it's beeautiful!"
Trying to play it cool I smiled and slyly replied.
"Because it's such a new project I'll make Betty's first for practice, then yours."
She smiled and nodded with content then went back to her project.
Coming from Miss Super Snob herself, to you all who know how to be crafty- you are all rock stars! It's something that really needs to be taught. In the meantime I will not give up on Emily's scarf.
(..oh and thank goodness for two children.)
I've never been one to scoff at someone's hard work and/or craftsmanship but at the same time I also have never taken into consideration the amount of time, concentration and in general how nimble your fingers have to be in order to sew/crochet/knit! You crafty seamstresses are hard core, and my hat's off to you!
Growing up with high levels of undetected attention deficit disorder I never had the time nor the patience to sit and learn an actual project (especially when it came down to school). At the age of nine my grandmother taught me the basic chain stitch for crocheting. I thought I was the absolute "bee's knees". I would crochet the longest single chains ever seen! When she tried to sit me down to show me the next step, I declined. I felt like I was a-okay with making single braided strands into long thin rope. Little did I know that the amount of yarn I was wasting would one day want to be turned into a scarf.
Today I took my four year old to the craft store (which I highly do not recommend if you've been depriving yourself of crafty projects- it's as dangerous as going to the supermarket while hungry). The moment I entered the store it was like the heavens opening a whole new world of possibilities for me.
"I could make this...'so-and-so' has a birthday coming up.. we can create worlds! ..so much cheaper than..." all of these thoughts raced through my head.
I stopped by the yarn section. Flashbacks of being wrapped in long thin strands of crocheted chains with gigantic smiles on my face flooded my memory. My childhood was merry but at the same time could have been a bit more if I had applied myself to finishing real projects.
"How ridiculous did I look?!" I thought to myself. "If I want Emily to ever complete a project, I should start with leading by example. I should expand on my very basic knowledge of crocheting. I'll make a scarf for her."
So, with a very special yarn she had picked out, the correct needle size and one of the items we went in to purchase we headed toward the car. (Due to the ADD we had to run back in to purchase the other item I had forgotten we initially went in for.)
After a very vigorous cleanup of our classroom at home we sat down to start on our craft project. I began my chain. Like riding a bicycle, I remembered and picked it up easily. Then came time to start a new row. I picked up the instructions and at that moment realized I was in for more than what I had bargained for.
"Yarn over hook? The yarn is all over the hook!" anxious thoughts poured through my head "Stitch upward? Loop into what? Why is it starting to look so small? Oh no, wrong size! Cruh-"
"How are you doing mom?" Emily interrupted "Oh mom, it's beeautiful!"
Trying to play it cool I smiled and slyly replied.
"Because it's such a new project I'll make Betty's first for practice, then yours."
She smiled and nodded with content then went back to her project.
Coming from Miss Super Snob herself, to you all who know how to be crafty- you are all rock stars! It's something that really needs to be taught. In the meantime I will not give up on Emily's scarf.
(..oh and thank goodness for two children.)
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy 2011
Dear New Year,
Please give me the patience and compassion to deal with others and their mistakes. I know not everyone can be as perfect as me but I would like them to at least try.
Last year wasn't so bad, so you have a good amount of sucking up to do. Luckily we have the entire year to work with each other, so if you're as respectful to me as I am to you I'm sure we'll be as happy as two peas in a pod.
Be a happy and safe new year and no one will get hurt. And last but not least, good luck!!
Sincerely yours,
Me
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now to the rest of you- what will this blog be about? More or less my ranting and raving, but mainly I would like to track my progress for couple of projects I will be taking on this upcoming year. Since I am a super procrastinator I would like to make it a point to show the world that I might be able to finish one of these projects within the next couple of months.
List of projects for the new year:
(note: these are not resolutions- resolutions I tend to break within the first 24 hrs)
1) Come up with a fresh and fun-filled teaching routine for my 4 year old (Emily) and 1 year old (Betty). ..and stick with it
2) Focus on budgeting and doing the "coupon mom" thing.
3) Organize, organize, organize...
4) Create a healthy food and exercise routine. ...and stick with it
5) Set an ultimate plan for moving and settling down before Emily starts kindergarten.
6) Routine, routine, routine..
7) Create an ultimate business plan/ goal/ or a get-rich-quick scheme of some sort... and follow through?
8) Incorporate less worldly and more family oriented activities (i.e less gambling and booze, more board games and hugs ..?)
9) Come to the conclusion that handwritten letters do not mean "typed on the computer, printed out then mailed". ...follow through..
10) Treat life and those in it as gifts given to me, more and more each day. ..unless they prove otherwise..
Again these are not resolutions. I have nothing in my life that I feel the need to resolve right away.. aside from bills and other things along that nature. Again if I had set these as resolutions I will have broken the majority of them already..especially number eight.
To all of you, have a safe and happy new year. Good luck to you all!!
Please give me the patience and compassion to deal with others and their mistakes. I know not everyone can be as perfect as me but I would like them to at least try.
Last year wasn't so bad, so you have a good amount of sucking up to do. Luckily we have the entire year to work with each other, so if you're as respectful to me as I am to you I'm sure we'll be as happy as two peas in a pod.
Be a happy and safe new year and no one will get hurt. And last but not least, good luck!!
Sincerely yours,
Me
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now to the rest of you- what will this blog be about? More or less my ranting and raving, but mainly I would like to track my progress for couple of projects I will be taking on this upcoming year. Since I am a super procrastinator I would like to make it a point to show the world that I might be able to finish one of these projects within the next couple of months.
List of projects for the new year:
(note: these are not resolutions- resolutions I tend to break within the first 24 hrs)
1) Come up with a fresh and fun-filled teaching routine for my 4 year old (Emily) and 1 year old (Betty). ..and stick with it
2) Focus on budgeting and doing the "coupon mom" thing.
3) Organize, organize, organize...
4) Create a healthy food and exercise routine. ...and stick with it
5) Set an ultimate plan for moving and settling down before Emily starts kindergarten.
6) Routine, routine, routine..
7) Create an ultimate business plan/ goal/ or a get-rich-quick scheme of some sort... and follow through?
8) Incorporate less worldly and more family oriented activities (i.e less gambling and booze, more board games and hugs ..?)
9) Come to the conclusion that handwritten letters do not mean "typed on the computer, printed out then mailed". ...follow through..
10) Treat life and those in it as gifts given to me, more and more each day. ..unless they prove otherwise..
Again these are not resolutions. I have nothing in my life that I feel the need to resolve right away.. aside from bills and other things along that nature. Again if I had set these as resolutions I will have broken the majority of them already..especially number eight.
To all of you, have a safe and happy new year. Good luck to you all!!
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